We all cook rice differently!

Bowl of Rice

No, this post is not about a bowl of rice, fried rice, boiled rice, and basmati rice, Jollof rice or even rice pudding. I’m talking about variety and dealing with loss.

Well at least that’s what my friend Jay said. My first instinctive reaction, was to laugh, I laughed so hard my side hurt. We were having this conversation about being original with our ideas. The need for us as human-beings to have variety .i.e. – you might want to go to the supermarket but you have a choice, in which one you choose to give your money too. So we were comparing businesses which were similar but not the same such as;

• Sainsbury’s

• Tesco

• Asda

• Waitrose

• Marks and Spencer

• Morrison’s

• Somerfield

• Iceland

We then talked about people on an individual level. Just imagine if there were 2s Jay or more than one Mathy Lisika. There would be no originality and definitely no individuality. Without that, we are no better than other living organisms. This brings me to the next point. I have 5 brothers and 3 sisters, plus me. We are a family of 9 children, give and take the first cousins. Then I have my step-mum (beautiful on the inside and out) then I have aunties and uncles, first cousins, second, third …..

You know! Typical Congolese family. I don’t apologies for them. They are like a very rich blended smoothie .

So far my process of recovery has been good but for the rest of my family I can’t really say the same.

My step-mum for example- previous job role was wife and carer. She’s been a wife for a long time and a carer for 4 years. She also became the breadwinner besides having being a cancer patient herself. Then one day she loses all of that, when my dad passes-away. Now she doesn’t know what to do with herself. I spoke to her two nights ago as she went back to Africa to see the rest of my family and this was hard enough for her. She still envisions that she will hear my dad’s voice on the phone. That at any moment he will call her.

One of my aunties- who recently lost her husband and brother (my father) is also going through a hard time. In our previous conversation she wasn’t sure how to move on. She said she knows it’s selfish but she almost doesn’t want to move on. Not just intentionally but because she feels she can’t.

My younger sister is also having a hard time letting go. She feels more like she’s under a rock and everyone wants to tell her how to mourn. And  who the hell are they to tell her what to do and how to mourn her lose. We  are all dealing with it differently.

My aunty said” I’m so proud of you and your achievement on the blog” My response is ”I’m just trying to find a way out”. It’s my exit strategy to deal with loss. It keeps me busy and sane.

I found something that I love and honed in on it. It’s hard because every day I want to cry and when the tears slides down my face I can’t hold them. I make time for those tears and I allow them to be expressed the way they want to be expressed and so can you.

 Maybe you can find a hobby which will help you deal with your loss.. Though, technically it’s impossible to erase that thought or feeling completely. But in the mean time you can do something.

It makes me sad that on my good days when I am happy and full of energy, my family is struggling to cope. I almost feel I shouldn’t. Recovery from Job-loss and Personal lose is a process which I accept and fully embrace. No hiding, No pretending this time. What is your process to recovery?

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