How do you say yes, when deep inside you mean no?

How do you say yes when deep inside you mean no?

I never understand why we make ourselves suffer when it comes to decision-making. This week is wedding fever in my conglomerate family and I can’t help but notice how people manage under stress, myself included. Apparently weddings and funerals are the most stressful events of a lifetime. Most people show their true colours and personal agendas. It almost reminds me of working for one of those big corporate groups I use to work for, and getting ready for a function, a team sales pitch or end of the month target review. I don’t want to do this but I find myself saying “yes”, drawn into the palaver and politics that comes with this territory.

The slightest objection will ruin the feng-shui of the team. And I will slowly find myself being labelled the outcast of the group because of my action or lack of them. But who am I, if I don’t object? Maybe not to everything but to something? Am I another clone or am I a “Somebody,” a person with an opinion? Is it really safe for me to voice my opinion without committing fault or injury?  Most times there is no “We” in the team but there are more “I” than we think.

Group Pressure from Getentrepreneurial.com

The pressure of big groups

Sometimes being in a large group makes it harder to say no and to be yourself. Trying to keep your personal identity whilst being part of a united body can sometimes feels like a fatal blow. How do you maintain you personal-self, your sanity, self-worth when most people are all doing the same thing. If you try to express your individuality for a second, you will be shot or at worse hanged, in both cases you die. Lack of individuality rules.

For example try telling your Congolese parents that you are not happy with the choices they have made on your behalf. You’ll be lucky if you are able to breathe another 30 seconds.  Perhaps, standing up for yourself at work, when you have a great idea, choosing to make a career change when the whole world is facing an economic breakdown, or being bold enough to put together an idea into action, when everybody thinks you have indeed lost your mind. But most of all how do you say “No” when everybody else is saying “Yes.”

In my previous work environment I remember not wanting to offend my clients by saying “No”. Sometimes hiding myself because I had either promised too much or too little. Always wanting to please my managers  demands by going way and beyond the call of duty; contributing ideas and never receiving the recognition. Staying late and not getting the time back. Sometimes saying “Yes!”, is so much easier, so much simple to agree with everyone than to disagree with the world. Why stick out like a thorn when you could blend-in like most people?

Not saying no means you:

• can’t really be honest about what you want to say.

• harbour resentment

• Could make your situation worse than it already is

• are suffering from a significant case of denial

• Can’t prioritise

• Will never truly be happy with the final result

• Loose confidence

Why it’s important to say no?

• It helps you to become assertive

• It will give you peace of mind

• Helps you to feel confident

• Helps you to priorities

• Make better choices

• Helps to look after number 1 .i.e. You

I am number one – Chibi Potty Poster

Saying , could save you’re your life. Think about it. You are in no obligation to be subject to someone else’s demand or play a role. Number 1 needs to come first.

Is there an area in your life today where you need to learn how to say NO? Ask yourself who will be more satisfied with the result You or the other party? So say it! NO!

In saying this, I now realise that I have to leave this computer and tell my sister that  “Noooooooooooooo, I will not be helping her wash the dishes.” Ouch!